Wednesday, February 16, 2011

Why Stanhope College Football Will Never Win The National Championship

The leader of Homicide Inc. has put a hit out on Jimmy Olsen!

Perry White has the clever idea to hide Jimmy by having him enroll under a false name at obscure Stanhope College!!

Perry White's idea failed, because Homicide Inc. tracks down Olsen almost immediately! And they assign the hit to Mr Quick, their "specialist in quick-change disguises, and sudden death!"

And Jimmy? He has just one thing one his mind: college chicks!

Mr. Quick leaps into action!!


Fortunately for Jimmy, Linda Danvers happens to be a football cheerleader!!




So, you're a college football coach, and a walk-on try-out apparently has the leg strength to kick the living bejesus out of a football. And your reaction is...?

Oh, yes, he lost a valuable ball. Why bother to try and train him to harness that (apparent) kicking prowess? Who the heck needs a rookie like that? Kick him out, and preserve those valuable balls!! "Take your wild talent away, kid, lest I have to actually coach you!"

I'm sure some of this coach's other philosophies included, "Stop running so fast--you're ruining the turf. Do you know how much sod costs?!?" and "Stop hitting the quarterback so hard--shoulder pads are expensive!!"

Stanhope's not going to a BCS bowl anytime soon, is all I'm saying.

snell really wishes that Olsen would walk on at Michigan with kicking like he (theoretically) displayed in Jimmy Olsen #102 (1967).

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