Friday, December 3, 2010

Friday Night Fights--Dr. Dickweed Style!!

Oh sweet Aunt Petunia, it's that time again--Friday Night Fights!!!

As victor of the last bout, I've got to bring my A-game now, because everyone is gunning for me.

But since I can never top Sharktopus or Godzilla versus the Mega-Monsters, I've got to stretch out in new directions, to find some of the weirdest, oddest, most "What the..?" fights imaginable.

Which brings us to the greatest fight no one EVER requested: Ghost Rider versus Dr. Druid.

Really.

Yes, the motorcycle-riding spirit of vengeance in a knockdown fight to the finish with the man who would go on to become the worst Avenger ever (your mileage may vary).

Why? Well, in reality, it's because it's 1977, and Marvel characters ALWAYS fight when they meet. It's the law.

In story terms, though, it's because for some unexplained reason, Druid has become obsessed with hunting down Ghost Rider, have determined (again for unexplained reasons) that he is "a creature of Satan who must be driven from this world" whom Druid (yet again without explanation) has "sworn to destroy."

So Druid show up, and forces Johnny Blaze to transform in front of all his friends and co-workers, revealing his identity and making Blaze a pariah. And now Ghost Rider is gonna kick his ass:


But wait--Dr. Druid reacts by...taking control of a tree!!


Obviously, not the brightest move against a guy who is on fire, right? Well, how about fisticuffs??





Well, that's all, right??

No!! Johnny Blaze relents, and doesn't crush Druid's skull!!

Is the good doctor swayed by this act of mercy?? Hell, no!! He just resorts to--cheating (of a mystical nature!)!!





What a turn-around!! Doctor Druid comes off the mat to wipe up the floor with Johnny Blaze!! Sure, Blaze was extending him mercy...sure, Druid had to resort to magical trickery, but a win is a win, right?

As a denouement, let's ask the question--how big a dickweed is Doc Druid? Let's watch as he opines to himself (while revealing his disturbingly form-fitting costume):


So...just to be clear...you attack the man without knowing whether or not he's truly evil (because, obviously, you couldn't have read his mind BEFORE the fight); you reveal his nature to everybody, screwing up his life; after he tries to end hostilities (which you started) you cheat and beat the crap out him...and you don't even stick around to apologize? You just leave and hope that he can put his life back together after you wrecked it??

Colossal. Dickweed. Even Spacebooger has to agree on that point!!

The Battle No One Demanded was brought to you by Jim Shooter, Don Perlin and Sam Grainger in the pages of Ghost Rider #26 (1977).

Now, you might not want to vote for me this week--but Marvel just brought Druid back to life in the pages of Dead Avengers...and I have it on good authority they're going to keep him alive unless you vote for me. And we sure as hell don't want that!!

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